Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
