Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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