he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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