I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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