While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
The air taste purple.
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