He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
