I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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