I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
