Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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