I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
