If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
