sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
