I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
