I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Randomize
