why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
