Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
