Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Sober January is a disaster.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize