I'm laying in your front yard are you home
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
