sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I could fuck to npr.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
