the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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