I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
