you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
