They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Pooping to opera.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
