she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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