I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
