I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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