Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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