We won't sleep together?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
