can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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