The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
