i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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