Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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