grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's rum buckets o'clock
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
