This is not my ceiling
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
