what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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