yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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