it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
