it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
