i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
