You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
