i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
