My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
