I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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