i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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