1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
