you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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