walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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