True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
