I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
