You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
