I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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