fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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