You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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