I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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