I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
