you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
