Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
