OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
