It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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