I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
