based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize