Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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