All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
