I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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