At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
