Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
