I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
