I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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