I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
