Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
