that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize