please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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