Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
