70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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