she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
