Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize