i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
