morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
