Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
