You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
