wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
