his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
