omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
