Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
zippers are such a cool invention
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You need a sexual gate keeper
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
