I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
