I am in a vortex of obligation.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
