Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It was a blind-side dick pic.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
