so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize