I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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