My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
